Today is Lucy's 2nd birthday. Molly wrote an incredibly articulate and moving tribute to her here. I've been thinking and praying and pondering about the grief I'm feeling for Molly and Vic. The pain is so intense at times that I feel it will swallow me. And then comes a peace and joy that fills the chasm in my heart. As I read in Alma 36 this week (a chapter in the Book of Mormon) I could relate to Alma the Younger's intensely opposite emotions:
Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.
And now behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.
And oh what joy and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!
Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.
This mourning we are experiencing comes not from sin, but from loss. But the sweetness of the Atonement applies just as powerfully. Surely there can be nothing so exquisite and bitter as Molly and Vic's pain, but there is just as surely nothing as exquisite and sweet as the joy we all feel in Christ, in the life Lucy led, and in the family and friends that surround Molly and Vic and give them their hearts.
Lehi also taught that if Adam and Eve had no transgressed in the Garden of Eden they "would have had no children; wherefore they would have remained in a state of innocence, having no joy, for they knew no misery." With the bearing of children, Adam and Eve experienced misery, but without that misery they would have no joy. Think of Eve's sorrow when she learned that her son, her own flesh, had killed his brother and then been banished. But think of her joy in her posterity. Her joy in being the mother of all living.
I know that our Father in Heaven did not make this happen. Maybe he didn't even want it to happen. But, importantly, he knew it would happen. I believe that Molly and Vic, and Lucy, knew this would be part of their experience on earth and they all gladly, gladly accepted.
Had Molly and Vic not loved Lucy so intensely they would not be feeling such raw grief. But would they trade it? Would they have loved her a little less had they known her life would be so short? I'm sure they wouldn't have. They couldn't have loved her any more. And that is another lesson for me. No matter what life has in store for me (and now my fears are many) I won't hold back any love. "They taste the bitter," the Lord explained to Adam, "that they may know to prize the good." Oh, how I prize the good. I love you Molly. I love you Vic. I love you Lucy. Happy Birthday.
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